The other day one of my kids asked me how I heard him all the way across the room. I told him that in college all the teachers had to take a class called Listening Across the Room 101, and our professor would sit way on the other side and grade us on if we could write down what he said. And my student believed me. I almost told him I was kidding… but then I thought, ‘Nah.’
Even though we don’t learn them in college, we teachers do have special talents, honed over the years. I thought I’d share some of them with y’all today:
15 Special Teacher Talents:
1. Pulling off egregious performances of sarcasm on the daily. (See story above.)
2. Knowing and purposefully misusing/misquoting teenage slang in order to annoy teenagers. Turn it down for what huh?
3. The ins and outs of stapler repair. Also, sharpening notoriously difficult pencils. And un-jamming pencil sharpeners.
4. Fixing computer keyboards where the kids have purposefully taken the letters off and switched them all over the place. Also, knowing which kid did it.
5. Perfect bulletin board trim measurement and alignment, with record speeds of under 3 minutes.
6. Cell phone spotting, and the facial expression that communicates ‘Put that f-ing thing away this second before I throw it on the floor and stomp on it’ without having to actually say that.
7. Deciphering messy handwriting and identifying the one person out of 90 who wrote that paper without said person’s name, solely based on penmanship.
8. Drinking 4 cups of coffee and going 8 hours with no bathroom break without peeing one’s pants.
9. The ins and outs of copy machine repair. Also, when to walk away discreetly and act like someone else jammed it.
10. Temporary repair of broken flip flops (hot glue) and binders (duct tape).
11. The art of nodding and looking interested during staff development while really planning next week’s schedule in one’s mind.
12. Remembering the unique spellings of people’s names. Also, memorizing 90 names in 2 days.
13. Recalling one of those 90 names 10 years later in the middle of the grocery store. Or pretending like you do. Hey, you!
14. The ability to remember 10 different passwords and logins to the 25 different programs you’re supposed to be using.
15. Knowing exactly who said it and what was said in a whisper 30 feet away in a crowded room.
Teachers out there–have any to add?